His Secret Screen Time: Why I Can’t Bear His Touch Anymore
We’ve been together for four years, and at 30, I truly believed we were building a future towards marriage. He’s 35. Our biggest hurdle always seemed to be our mismatched libidos; I always had a higher drive, but I tried to be understanding, thinking it was just how he was.
He’d often complain of ‘stomach problems’ after dinner, disappearing into the bathroom for an hour, sometimes longer. I'd always just accepted it, never questioning, sometimes even suggesting milder food for him. I just tried to work around it, never suspecting the real reason behind his prolonged disappearances.
One evening, a faint, rhythmic sound from the bathroom caught my ear – not a game, not music. Curiosity, or maybe a growing unease, finally made me peek. What I saw on his phone screen made my stomach churn more than any spicy curry ever could. He was watching *videos* – of girls who looked barely out of school, certainly not a day over eighteen. Fresh-faced, almost childlike young women.
It wasn't just the porn itself; it was the *kind* of porn. And the sickening realization that he was 'gooning' to them, probably for hours, while I waited outside, while he'd brushed me off countless times because of his ‘stomach issues’. All those times I felt neglected, wondering what was wrong with *me*, why he seemed so distant or quick after a few minutes in bed. Now I know. He was saving himself for these screens.
Every time he tries to touch me now, all I can see are those faces. The disturbing innocence in their eyes, contrasted with his knowing gaze at the screen. The older I get, the younger they appear to him, it seems. My attraction, my respect, my very desire for him has vanished. Four years, building a life, hoping for a partner… and it all feels like a lie. How do you come back from a discovery this sickening? I feel hollow, betrayed, and utterly repulsed.
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