When I first arrived in New York City I told everyone home that I was going after my dreams. I wanted a job. I wanted a life. I wanted a future. Meera was standing at the airport in Hyderabad trying not to cry. She put a small silver ring in my hand. She said “no matter how away I am do not let us change.” I promised her that we would not change.

Time changed us.

The first few months in New York City were really tough. I had two jobs I was living in an apartment with other people and I was not getting enough sleep. Meera and I talked on the phone every day. We would have video calls. Send each other messages. We would make plans for our wedding once I got settled. She trusted me completely. She would count the hours until we could talk on the phone.. I would count the hours until I did not feel so alone.

Being alone in a country is not loud. It is quiet. It feels heavy. It follows you home from work. It sits with you when you are eating alone. That is when I met Alisha.

Alisha was an confident person. She understood what it was like to be a newcomer in a country. We started out as friends. We would take breaks. Have coffee together. We would talk late at night about what we wanted to achieve. I told myself that it was okay to have a friend. I told myself that I deserved to have someone to talk to.. It is easy to start feeling things for someone without realizing it.

The first time I lied to Meera was not a lie. I said “I am too tired to talk today.” The second time I lied was easier. I said “I have to work ” Soon I was spending my days with one woman and my nights with another woman. Meera would talk about where we could get married. Alisha would talk about moving together.. I was stuck in the middle trying to make it work with both of them.

It is hard to keep two separate lives going.

One winter night Meera surprised me. She had saved up money. Flown to New York City to see me. She was standing outside my apartment building smiling and holding the silver ring that I had promised to take care of.. I was not home.

I was with Alisha.

When I saw that Meera had called me I felt sick. I rushed back to my apartment. It was too late. Meera had seen us together. We were not holding hands we were not kissing,. We were close. We were standing close to each other. She did not yell. She did not cry. She just looked at me like I was someone she did not know.

That look was worse than being angry.

After that Meera stopped answering my calls. A weeks later I heard from a friend that she had stopped talking to people. She had stopped trusting anyone. Her parents were worried about her. She used to believe in us. I made her doubt us.

Alisha left me too. She said she could never trust someone who could live two lives so easily. I tried not to lose anyone. I ended up losing both women.

It has been a years now. I have the job I wanted. I send money home. People think I am successful.. Some nights when I look out the window and see the city lights I think about the girl who was standing at the airport believing in me.

Cheating is not about doing something physical with someone else. It is about breaking someones trust. It is, about making them question their worth. I did not just break a promise. I broke the person I used to be the person that Meera loved.

I came to New York City to build a life.

What I built was a lie.